Just Chris: On Being Lucky
I have a friend, a good friend, who not so long ago told me I was the “luckiest unlucky guy” he knew. My friend, we’ll call him Bill, attended the same college and fraternity as I did. I was best man in his wedding. Needless to say, we were close. I'd let the comment slide off me, but it occurred to me, some time after the conversation, just what Bill was implying. He was saying that I was lucky because I have money and because I didn’t have to worry about some of the difficult financial matters he was facing. But I was also unlucky in the way the money came to me. He had long known about my parents passing away when I was a kid and he also knew I had inherited their wealth through this tragic event. And so he deemed me, “the luckiest unlucky guy” he knew.
I am a rich man’s son. My father, before he died, wrote to me about it. He told me I’d always have to do better, work harder and achieve more for people’s respect. He told me it was the nature of things. Over the years, I have found this to be true and although gaining approval of others isn’t the most important thing in life, the opinions of others do sometimes matter. How people perceive you affect how they treat you. This became especially important to me when the person in question was a good friend.
Bill had gotten married to a fantastic woman, he had a healthy son, about one-year-old, and they shared a home in downtown Phoenix. Both he and his wife were working solid salary paying jobs and Bill’s dad and aunt both lived close by. From the outside looking in, someone might label Bill as “lucky.” Bill didn’t see it this way. They had bought their home at a bad time and it was worth less than what they paid. Bill had saved little before getting married and what he had, he'd lost on an investment. They’re jobs barely covered all the costs of raising a family. To make things more difficult, Bill’s father-in-law, who had done well in business, didn’t like Bill and created additional challenges in his life. My friend now held a negative view of wealthy people, especially those who were successful in business. I felt this in our visit and had a hard time understanding why my good friend held such hostile feelings, some of which were pointed in my general direction. It took me some time to sit on it, sort it out and later write him a letter in response.
My letter explained to Bill that I have always been lucky, and just lucky, but money had little to do with it. What my parents gave to me in heart, mind, and soul, I carry with me today and it goes where I go. My wife and sons and the way they make me feel every day when I see them, they make me lucky. The relationships I build with friends, colleagues and my community make me lucky. Yes, money affords opportunities and opens doors, but the meaning and value in my life come through people and my own response to life's experience. I’ve been lucky enough in my life to have many wonderful people in it and I still do. I’ve been lucky my whole life. As for monetary wealth, I’d give all away if I could, just for one day to see my parents playing with my children and embracing my wife. Knowing this is knowing it isn’t about money.
It seemed clear to me, my friend, Bill, was unhappy, resentful, even angry, not at me, but at something he himself couldn’t really put a finger on. As a friend, I wrote the letter to tell him how I felt and that I was his friend, I would be happy to travel to see him so we could talk, drink a beer and laugh. He didn’t’ take me up on the offer. After months, he called to tell me he and his wife are having another baby. “Congratulations,” I told him, “on another blessing to your family.”
I think today, more than I have ever seen, there is a growing tension between people. And if you listen to the broadcasters and politicians, you’ll hear it is about class, or race or politics. I don’t buy it. What I do believe is we are all responsible for nurturing and caring for one another and doing our best to make this life about meaning derived from the human experience. If we work together, there is nothing we can’t accomplish. If we turn our thoughts to one another and do what is right, who knows, maybe we’ll forget about just how awful things are and start to feel…what is the word I’m looking for…lucky.
